her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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