can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
