So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
