we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
