YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
