Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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