but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
