I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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