Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
