I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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