atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
