dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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