Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
