Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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