Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
