Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
