would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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