I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
