I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
