Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
