Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i love accidental penises.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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