Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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