For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
