can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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