How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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