He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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