Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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