so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
