found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
whose parrot is this?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
