I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
