he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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