Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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