i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
