Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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