i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
