ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
