Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
