I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
