I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
