This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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