1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
