I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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