i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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