I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
