It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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