I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
