I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
