I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
