I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
