Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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