In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dick very happy bro
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