so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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