this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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