...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
