I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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