it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
