you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sex in a hospital.. check
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
