explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
