we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
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you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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