I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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