Jerry, you need to find god
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
