So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
