you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
