if you like me you must not know who I am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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