return my video game
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
