She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
