And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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