Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
