Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
