worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
