just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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