no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
