Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
