Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
