im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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