OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
