She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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