i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
