He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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