I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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