My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
