How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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